I have been wrestling with my -isms a lot over the last year. I have moved out of rural areas, and out of suburbia, and have become one of those "urban by choice" people. I live in a diverse area of the city - one of the nicer, more upscale city neighborhoods, but I have done my time in less desirable 'hoods as well.
One of the things that I love about living in the city is the responsibility that people take for one another.There are families that have been there for generations, and who feel tremendous pride in taking care of their block - slowing traffic, keeping out drug dealers, maintaining low noise levels at night, knowing their neighbors. There are lots of people who have a great work ethic, and are available and willing to do all of those "menial tasks" at a ridiculously cheap price, compared to the big (white) companies that want to sell me lawn service and home maintenance skills.
However, the schools...the schools are the love and hate of my life. My kids are in the minority there, which was one of the reasons I worked hard to find a neighborhood school that was both diverse and also had administrators and teachers who cared. But even with that intention, I began to feel that I was sacrificing my children's education to be "urban by choice."
After 10 years of homeschooling and two years of public city schools, I am fleeing - taking what little money I have leftover and socking it into tuition at private Catholic school for my two younger kids. Scrimping, saving, and begging for grant money in a shameless manner. My 16 year old has spent two years in private schools paid for by her father, and is about to start her third year. She gets driven to school and home each day because of her own and her father's anxiety about her having to take the city bus and transfer downtown, where there have been many instances of student violence. Fight at Transit Center, Stabbing at Transit Center, Fight outside Transit Center (that's just the first 4 months of 2015, and certainly not all the news).
After two years of dud teachers, my 8-year-old daughter has learned very little. Most of what she learned she taught herself on self-paced computer programs that she did in lieu of homework twice a week after school. She's learned how to stand in line and keep a low profile, and has seen some horrificly violent behavior from fellow 6-8 year olds. She has security in her classroom several times a week. She has had a teacher who looked at me like a deer in the headlights when I told her that she had an engaged, interested, available parent in front of her who was willing to help in any way with my own daughter, and with her class. She never once sent home enrichment work, or asked me to volunteer.
My son, almost 11, spent two years with a fabulous teacher- who still ended up letting him work ahead individually in almost every subject, and who let him read voraciously for hours out of each school day, because he was so far ahead.
One of the things about school and summer recreation/childcare that I have noticed and wrestled with as a person of faith, a mother, and a social justice and systems theory wonk, is the cultural aspects that affect my children in different ways.
My daughter has learned to speak "ghetto," as my son calls it. She spends 10 hours a day with a culture that is not her own (no judgement of that culture, just an observation), and has found ways to fit in. She does this with verbal and body language that is foreign to my own culture. It is striking when she comes home and no longer seems like she belongs to us in some ways.
My son on the other hand, refuses to change who he is to fit in. People think he's weird, but they all know and like him. He has been told to dumb down his vocabulary to fit in, and refuses to do so. Their approach to an environment where they are not the majority has been fascinating to watch.
It's also fascinating to watch the adults in charge of these little people. The teachers at the school - almost entirely white females, seem irritable, overly directive, and lacking in any sort of fun. They are all about classroom management, external motivation, mass punishment of a class for the actions of one or two, etc.
At the city recreation after-school and summer programs, the staff are almost entirely black, and the men are constantly blowing my mind. I have had more encounters with black men who nurture and love and teach my son how to be an amazing and wonderful kid than I can count. These men are much more intentional, engaged, and passionate about raising good young men than any white man I have ever met. They know every kid by name, the call out something good they have done before they leave each day, and have a huge hug or firm handshake to greet and say good bye to each child (and parent too!).
I went down to support him and his crew, and between the two groups, they made almost $600 in two hours! The kids got to keep the money, and Jude made $24. I heckled some guys coming out who ignored the kids polite selling techniques - "Come on! How can you walk past these sweet kids selling lemonade?! That's unAmerican!"
When I arrived back at camp later to pick him up, one of the staff was giving them a "come to Jesus" moment. I seriously said out loud, "Preach it Brother!" This gentleman was telling these kids about how people view city kids, and how they had had a great opportunity to show people downtown what kids can be like - polite, "appropriately" dressed, professional, friendly, non-threatening. As I stood there listening, I wondered what Jude was thinking about this message. He has probably never been seen as a threat - he is white, skinny, nerdy, and a hippie child. He has never had to worry about being judged for his skin color.
And then Mr. Jeff said that he loved how I gave the employees coming out of City Hall what for. And I realized that if I were a black woman, I probably wouldn't have done that. I wouldn't have had the privilege of supporting this amazing group of kids the way I could as a white, professionally dressed woman and mom.
I am still urban by choice. I want my kids to understand systems of privilege, race, and class. But I cannot sacrifice their education to do so. I plan on keeping my kids in public recreation programs and getting the best of what the city has to offer. They will continue to make friends with kids of all backgrounds, colors, and cultures. But I hate that not every one of these kids can access the education they deserve. It breaks my heart.
